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wtf are you playing at? man..
Jul 18, 2009 - 9:16 PM
k so, let's be fucking real. and you know sty's really pissed off when she actually types the fbomb with no '*' or whatfuckingever. so dude .. we're bestfriends, true? then why the fuck do you go around, snaking people's backs? more importantly, your bestfriends? you can't be serious, are you seriously blind? you can't see that we, the people you're supposed to be real with from the get-go, aren't hurt by what you did? we deserve to know what the bloody fuck you've been up to. godsakes, we're your back bone. well, at least we thought we were. okay, speaking straight-up from MY perspective : i was your ride or die. no "girlfriend" would amount to our friendship, your words. well your words are bullshit. "sty, you're the fucking best." stfuuuuuuuuuuu. k, i'm not gonna be one of those next girls who abandon promises. i promised i'd be there, no matter what the fuck happens. no matter how fucking stupid you act. and this is beyond stupid, but i can't believe i still fucking love you. you're my brother, and fam don't leave fam. but fam has the option to never trust yourself again, true. when and how long did you think you could go on with this shit? spitting shit like it was real, oh man .. you had me fooled. yeah, okay i was foolish. i believed things without looking at the real details. but i only trusted that those sorry excuses for words because YOU said it. YOU, the only other person besides my family and my girls that i had total fucking trust in. the least you could have done for me, and your boy, was told me upfront, straight up, whatever. i just needed to here the truth out of your mouth, for fucking once. but no, i had to find out from another source. a source who is just as fucking cheesed as i am, do you know him? you might. you used to call him your bestfriend. now i can't believe we're both saying how we were the last ones to know .. your bests. the last ones. when was that even possible? you know me, babe. i came to you before and immediately after situations turned into a hot mess. and you gave me your word - you'd do the same. word is bullshit to me now. i don't know .. i mean, you knew i had trust issues from the get-go. what made me trust you was how much you fully understood that and more importantly .. me. it's hard to accept the fact that you picked another over me. what sucks even more is, i know she's not worth it. i'm not trying to be your girl, no. but i was your bestgirl, a lie? my ego's at large, and it always was. you were one of the few who appreciated my cockyness. that's why i didn't make that much .. "close" friends. i took those who could accept my queenbitch attitude. i thought you appreciated me to the point where you could trust me with anything, and where you understood that i could understood whatever situation you were going through. i thought you appreciated me to the point where you had the balls to admit you made a mistake and how i'd still be here. i'd never leave you, but i guess that never came across your head. you were so "real" with me, and that's what got me to say that you're incomparable. you were so "real" with me .. or so it seemed. how do you explain something so stupid to me now? i got all the information i needed, i just wish i got it from you .. now i don't know what to say to you. i don't even know when i should even talk to you again. we were always on the same page, disagreements came from the littlest things that didn't even matter .. but when it did matter, i was always on your side and vice versa. either that, or you were faking your bullshit the whole time. i don't know wtf is real anymore. i keep saying "i don't know" alot now .. and it's becoming my most hated sentence. having such a huge ego to begin with, i hate not knowing things. i need the cold-hard facts. and out of all people, i thought you'd be the one to give them to me. i guess that's what i get from having such high expectations. alright, so i'm sorry for putting alot on your shoulders. maybe you didn't even know that you had that much riding on you because i didn't make it so evident. i just .. expected it, i guess. all because of one careless mistake, i'm second guessing everything .. and you know me. i don't usually do that. you know i've gone through bullshit like this and back before. i lost someone i never planned on losing, all because of dishonesty and distrust. she didn't trust me enough to be honest with me, like she said she would be. like she promised she would be. again, word was broken. and now we can't even be in the same room with each other without causing any awkwardness. what she did .. what you're doing. i let it go before .. and i don't regret it. because now i've learned that i need to hold on longer. i don't want you out of my life for good, but it's hard to say that truthfully with what's been done. like i said, i'm sorry for putting so much on your shoulders, giving you more than you could handle. but i'm not all at fault. you played an act that made me expect good things from you. your acting was amazing, if i do say so myself .. good actors recieve high expectations from their fans. maybe you didn't know it then, but you'll know now : i was your biggest fan. whatever. i'll stay on the sidelines. whatever makes you happy, let it be .. right? even if destroying your trust with your bestmates, keeping things from your bestgirl, and lying infront of your bestman's face makes you happy .. it's your happiness. the least we can do is suck it up, and clap for your smiles. it's just .. now i'm so fucking stuck. i have two fucking questions left, and i need this answered sooner or later ..
um, what the fuck am i to you? oh, and what the fuck are you to me now?
~no smiles. sty's .. bummed.