MISCHIEF MANAGED

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"Stop telling God how big your problems are and start telling your problems how big your God is."

I'm Sty and I have a good head on my shoulders.

i give you a thumbs up

Dec 3, 2009 - 8:45 PM

I have to say, I was kind of reluctant in the beginning of all this. You knew my past and I guess you knew why I was so .. nervous. No, I wouldn't say I was SCARED. I wasn't, I knew this would turn out great. What I was so nervous about is if I was stupid enough to repeat the same mistakes I did before. Then I realized the only mistake I'd be repeating is if I picked the wrong guy, and I didn't. But I was still a little sore from the heartache and bull-ish I had to go through before, so yeah.. getting back to this was hard. Especially since I moved here, I didn't even think I'd be with anybody until I LEFT Milton.. and I'm guessing that that wouldn't be for another 4 years. You don't know how hard it was for me to find any interest in anybody else before. It was almost like I FORCED myself to be interested in certain people because it felt like I was completely abondoning this type of thing, like I was hiding from relationships and boys. I knew it was pretty idiotic and crazy to hide from boys, love and relationships but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Yeah, I tried pretty hard to even have a spark of attraction towards certain people and.. nothing. I gave up for the last bit of summer, thinking it was stupid to force these kinds of things to happen and it was no use anyway. Then highschool started and you happened. I completely forgot about my plans to hide from things that would lead to a relationship, I was just so comfortable with you. I got to say stupid things and do stupid things and not feel.. stupid after, with you. But that was when I just thought of you as "that cute, tall guy that I hang out with alot". Then that whole.. "jealousy" thing had to happen and I tried denying it for the longest time. Like, I had no reason to be jealous of those girls lined up for you.. right? Obviously, I'm not an idiot. I knew I liked you, I just didn't want to go into that kind of thing again because I thought I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready because I was so used to guys just RUSHING everything. Guys who just wanted to.. "get with me" already. Then when you took things so slowly, carefully placing smile after smile on my face, you showed me how different you were. You don't know how refreshing it was to be around someone who just wanted to be with you. I wasn't used to this kind of thing, being treated so well. I was so used to having things so fast-paced, so used to missing every important moment and detail I was supposed to experience. Nothing was and is ever fast-paced with you. I haven't missed anything with you yet and I'm hoping not to. Again, being treated so well by someone isn't something I came by very often. I guess I love how you look at me like I matter a whole lot to you, like there's nothing else out there that's better to look at. I guess I love how you talk to me like you can say anything to me and not feel like an idiot, like you can trust me with anything and everything and you're not afraid to. I guess I love how you hold me like we just saw each other after not seeing each other for years and you have this strong unwillingness to let go, almost like you're afraid to. Things for me have changed since WE happened, for the better. Thank you for putting up with my nagging, complaining, whining, annoyingness & flaws. JTRP.. I absolutely adore you.