MISCHIEF MANAGED

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"Stop telling God how big your problems are and start telling your problems how big your God is."

I'm Sty and I have a good head on my shoulders.

no coincidence

Dec 23, 2009 - 4:14 PM

Every year, millions of people make a New Years Resolution. I made mine, but I never really told anybody about them because they never actually go according to planned. At the beginning of 2009, I told myself I'd be able to trust people alot better. I promised myself I'd be able to find that one thing that'll make me the most happiest and not be so wreckless and stupid about it. And it was hard, you know? Whatever happened to me in the past just stuck with me everytime I tried to get close to someone, to get to know someone alot better. I was just hoping and praying the whole time that I wouldn't end up in tears, like before. Worry filled me, I guess.. and it wasn't something I wanted. I wanted to get close to someone without having to worry every second about whether or not they'll end up hurting me in the long run. Being with someone that makes you happy shouldn't be about that, it should be about feeling carefree and feeling like nothing could go possibly wrong. Trust. What I'm saying is, you don't know how good it feels to have realized that you actually did what you told yourself to do at the beginning of the year. Being with him today, it hit me that maybe you don't have to try so hard to be happy. Being around him seemed so effortless, I didn't even notice how happy I actually was until I just stopped.. looked at him and took it all in. There's alot you can tell by a person's eyes and his just told me that he wanted to be with me. He wanted me to be happy and he wanted to be with me through it all. It's hard to distinguish what's REAL at such a young age because you're still clueless about so many thing. It's like trying to see with one blind eye and one good eye. But there are just some things you have to know and some things you have to trust, the hard part is deciding on whether or not it's all worth it. But you can't really know INSTANTLY if it's all worth it or not. It's your choice to give it the time it needs to prove to yourself that it is worth it. I'm smart enough to know what to take a chance on and what to avoid.. and he is definitely worth taking a chance on. If finding your happiness makes you unbelievably selfish and unwilling to let go, then I guess that's what I am. I'll do whatever I can to keep him with me because I finally know what happiness feels like.. and it's with him.